NoYork

"Who wants to buy some DVDs?"

Say hello to our first NoYork.com exclusive! This piece of paper was found in a Washington DC airport. It’s only speculation of course, but we believe this is Big Z’s itinerary for his trip to Washington. We’ve taken the time to piece together the puzzle of Z’s short visit and here’s what we’ve found…

- Execute DVD Plan As soon as Z stepped off the plane he started getting the feel of the local DVD market. Big Z checked out local DVD hotspots and recruited young, ambitious, business minded high schoolers to set up DVD stands on every corner. Then he personally visited every barber shop in the DC area selling his DVDs.

- Physical Next up Z breezed through his physical. As his rehabilitated feet were examined he sent text messages to all of his new employees, motivating them to sell as many DVDs as possible in the next couple hours.

- Meet with Grunfeld Z was twenty minutes late to meet with Ernie Grunfeld. He ran into Grunfeld’s office huffing and puffing with the pockets of his hoodie bulging. Before Grunfeld had a chance to speak Z started pulling wads of cash from his pockets and piled it on Ernie’s desk. When he was done Grunfeld could barely see the 7′3 man over the pile of money. “It’s all there, 1.5 Million.” Grunfeld looked up at Z puzzled, wondering how he got the money. Z smiled and said, “DC loves them some DVDs.”

Z turned to walk out and Grunfeld told him he’d have to stay for a couple days. Angered by the comment Z spun around and pulled out two cap guns. “Get me back to Cleveland Grunfeld,” Z snarled as he pointed the orange tipped guns at the startled man. With that Z placed the toy guns back in his pockets and walked out of office and started dialing a familiar number.

- Call Agent The conversation went something like this…
“I need out of this town”
“I know big fella, we’ll get you back in Cleveland”
“Tell the media that I’m thinking of going to the Nuggets,” laughter on both ends.
“You’d need to get some ink if you went there”
“Just make sure to get me back to Cleveland,” Z said as he contemplated a Chosen 11 tat on his back.

- Call Nike The next order of business was the MVP puppet commercial that Z had recently been featured in. As a Nike representative picked up Z asked if his barber shop commercial would be picked back up when oops if I go back to the Cavs?

- Take Care of Wizards Gear As Z was being reassured that his commercial would air if he went back to Cleveland, he opened the door to his hotel room. He grabbed the two large duffel bags of Wizards gear he had received earlier in the day and took them into the bathroom. He rummaged through both bags until he found his #97 jersey that he requested to signify his first year in the League. He took the home and away jerseys and burnt them in the hotel bathtub. The sight of his name on a Washington jersey brought a tear to his eye.

- Fly Home As Z’s taxi moved towards the airport he asked the driver to pull over multiple times throughout the city. Z distributed the rest of his gear to the young entrepreneurs that helped him raise the money to pay for his buyout. With that Z left behind a day of bad memories and in his wake a slew of baggy clothed kids.

WELCOME HOME Z! Can’t wait for the 21st!